On October 25th of this year, at 6:15 am the first man I ever loved, my Dad passed away. While we all knew my dad passing was possible. We were hopeful and didn’t think it would happen so soon. The simple truth is you are never ready. It hits you harder than that “Mack” truck that everyone talks about. The world stands still, all the air is sucked from the room and you can’t breathe. Then you feel it… your heart shatters and you know you will never be the same.
A few days before my father’s passing, we were discussing what we needed to do to bring him home for Thanksgiving. So instead of trying to get a hospital bed my sister and I were identifying my father at the funeral home. A fairly new requirement because of …errors.
In my family, Thanksgiving is our big family holiday. I am super excited through all the “Ber” months. September, October, November, and December. At a time when we would be making a menu and shopping lists. We’re making arrangements. Thanksgiving is gonna be rough this year.
My plan was to do some research and write a post with a list of things all the “experts say about grieving, but I don’t really care what the experts say. Grief is personal and I don’t care how many degrees or letters a person has after their name, grief sucks!!!! It’s cold, it is harsh and it is lonely. Grief is more than emotional it is physical. You ache! Your chest hurts and it’s hard to breathe and it’s hard to move. It’s hard to think, even getting dressed is exhausting.
So what did I do? I started by taking all the bereavement time my company allowed. For the record three days is not enough. Employers should really do better. I allowed myself to feel whatever I felt without questioning it. I tried to get a good night’s sleep, listening to Sleep Stories on the Calm app and Snowstorm videos on YouTube along with a cup of chamomile tea has been helpful.
When I returned to work I took it easy. I decided not to start any big projects for the remainder of the week. As for Thanksgiving, we decided a few weeks ago to have it catered so we could all rest. We pick up the food on Wednesday so we can all sleep-in Thursday morning. I’ll be up early to watch the parade. I can’t predict how the day will go or how I’ll be feeling that day but, whatever the day brings I’ll be thinking about my dad knowing he is at peace, but wishing he was still here.
I guess what I want you to know is that no matter what advice “experts” or “helpful” family members have. They don’t and can’t know how you feel. Grief is a rollercoaster and it is different every day. No emotion is wrong or right. Sometimes it’s funny. Sometimes is messy. Sometimes it’s ok and other times it not. I’m not sure there is a beginning, middle, or end of grieving. I think we endure the loss, much like the love we feel for the person we have lost.
For anyone who is feeling loss this holiday please know my heart is with you. If you think it would be helpful feel free to start a discussion in the comments.
